we are different externally.
but are one inside.
Remember this. This is the truth.
SAID AND DONE
Search for Bride/Groom
Bride And Groom Accept Each other. Parents endorse their selection after looking into various aspects of compatibility between Boy and Girl. Then the process of marriage starts.
Decisions are normally made at Boy’s house after deliberate discussions. They agree for certain norms to be followed during Marriage.
Here I quote an example of a marriage and it’s after effects. Elders and Youngsters’ should ponder over this article and make amends to avoid unnecessary events.
Since both parents of bride are working they needed the help of groom’s parents.
Accordingly grooms parents located halls for engagement and Marriage and one for each was selected by Brides parents, among various other halls suggested.
Also a Purohit, and a photographer, were suggested for all functions, to be performed by bride’s side. It was a package deal with the Purohit/Photographer, ie: Transportation, video graphing, DVD, Printing, Album, Materials for Nandi, Marriage and Sathyanarayana pooja. Decision on materials and the cost for the package was left bride’s parents to be discussed with the Purohit/photographer, respectively. Grooms side would not involve in this matter.
However, due to confusing and individual instructions from mother and father of bride to the photographer, there was a conflict between photographer and bride’s parents and photographer was dropped after engagement and another photographer was appointed by bride’s side themselves.
Cook was also suggested by groom’s side; however brides parents preferred to have their own Cook.
It was held at the place selected by bride’s parents.
Day One: Nandi to be conducted by both families’ in the morning and Varapooja in the evening, at the marriage hall itself.
Day Two: Marriage and other functions in the morning followed by lunch, and in the evening handing over the bride to the grooms family, and bride to be taken to the grooms House for Grihaprevasha function and back to choultry for Dinner, and vacate the choultry after dinner, before 12 mid night.
Day Three: Satyanarayana pooja at a Temple, followed by lunch at temple premises’ itself to be organized by brides parents. This was accepted by bride’s parents on a specific request by the groom’s father, during discussion.
Parents of both groom and bride met the Purohit of boy’s side and fixed the first week of say February as the marriage date and also discussed the procedure of marriage, Sathyanarayana pooja, handing over of bride, Grihaprevasha and dinner was discussed.
Later Marriage hall was booked as decided earlier by bride’s parents.
The hall was booked for 2 days, from the morning of 1st. day to midnight of 2nd day.
However at the request of bride’s parents the marriage date was postponed by 3 months.
Marriage Hall was located by bride’s parents themselves, near their house and booked for two days by them from 3pm of the day previous to Nandi and up to 12 mid night of Marriage day and on our request the manager of choultry allowed us to this timings.(total booking days = 2 days),boys parents were present.
At this point of time, to facilitate colleagues of Groom, Bride, and their parents and also some working relatives to attend the marriage, and mainly to offer a buffet dinner to them, grooms father asked brides parents to have reception after Varapooja, by adjusting the timings for both and also to change of dress by bride and groom. Grooms father agreed to bride’s parent’s point of view, that reception is not held before marriage in Brahmin community. However to meet children’s wishes and also this is the present day marriage system, both parents reluctantly agreed to Children’s request.
Menu for the marriage and the decoration for reception was left to groom, bride, grooms sisters and friends. This was suggested by bride’s father to enthuse and to encourage children to actively participate in the marriage. Their selection was only a suggestion and not decision. However the final decision was with brides parents only.
After this, a review meeting was held at bride’s house to coordinate the proceedings and the actual timings to be followed for various functions of the marriage and other miscellaneous things.
After discussion it was decided to have the first night out side choultry and house of bride since rooms were not convenient for the occasion and was finally arranged by groom’s side in a star Hotel though it was to be arranged by bride’s parents.
Regarding Sathyanarayana pooja bride’s father pleaded ignorance about the discussion on the matter and the program itself.
Matter regarding handing over bride, was discussed at brides side Purohit house. Purohit was of the opinion that bride should be fed after the occasion. Grooms father remarked that the bride would be taken back to choultry after Grihaprevasha and after dinner and the groom’s family would leave with the bride, as was discussed earlier. At that time there was no reaction from bride’s parents.
Grooms father came to know that instead of Dinner, they would be given food packets and also that the Sathyanarayana pooja was to be performed by Grooms side and not by bride’s side – This was the opinion of the bride’s parents as expressed to certain persons.
Even when the Purohit sought package money, the bride’s parents remarked to him that the Sathyanarayana pooja has to be conducted by groom’s side and they need not do it and pooja money was not paid. On knowing the information grooms father asked brides father to cancel the Sathyanarayana pooja, telling them it could be done later on.
Keeping this in the background, grooms father altered the originally agreed program. This was conveyed to the bride’s parents so that they need not make arrangements for the same.
- Nandi to be cancelled at the choultry and to be conducted in respective parents house itself. This saved one day choultry expenses.
- Dinner on marriage day at the marriage hall was cancelled; however a party was hosted by the Grooms side at a hotel.
- Sathyanarayana pooja was also cancelled just not to inconvenience the bride’s parents but also to honor their sentiments.
Since the handing over the bride was to take place, after Rahukalam grooms family stayed back at the choultry for the occasion.
However there was mismanagement by the choultry management. Though the management allowed us to stay up to mid night, they started pulling down the pendal and thorana even before the ceremonial meals by the bride and groom, and their families. When enquired about this the staff said that the choultry was booked only up to 3pm and they are doing their job. This was not kept informed to grooms father.
The choultry was locked at 5pm, leaving the groom’s family inside the choultry. The Cooks had left the place even without leaving a can of water. Members of groom’s family had to shout down thro’
Windows to get the choultry door opened to go out and buy water bottles. At this point of time brides family members were not available since they had left for their home to transport their luggage.
After Rahukalam handing over the bride took place and after the formalities and after inviting Brides family and their relatives for dinner, the groom’s family and relatives left the choultry.
However every thing went well, Brides family attended the thanks giving party hosted by grooms family. Both parties thanked each other for mutual co operation during the entire process of marriage and bid good by to each other for the day.
There is a saying that MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN. But Married Life should become Heaven, since marriage takes place only once in life.
It is true, that Man cannot decide what he wants. Every thing is decided by his Karma of the past Births. But God has given him a mind to think. If mind is not used properly balance in Life is lost along with its Charm.
After the marriage is completed, that day has to be remembered for the good things and celebrated every year. But unfortunately some parents talk about only the lapses in the marriage, without understanding the impressions that would be created in the minds of their children. This creates ILL FEELING between two families and mainly on HUSBAND & Wife (who Crib and fight throughout their life). Children should also respect their spouse’s relationship with their parents, as they respect their own parent’s dignity and respect.
When children face problems because of parents Gossip/ego/status, they do not want to interfere between husband and wife. They are left to their Karma. Yes I agree that people should not interfere in others matter, but parents have to, if it their children’s matter. It is their responsibility to solve the problems created by them.
Married Children belong to both families and cannot say it is other family‘s matter, let them solve it themselves, and wash of their hands. Parents should at least heed to the request of the other Parents, when they plead helpless and requests help with folded hands and defuse the situation and not aggravate it.
People talk one thing and their deeds are different. If people do not want to interfere others matter, how it that the same persons keep apart Wife/ husband from each other, encourage and support for a long time. Do they have answer for this?
This is the tendency of the present day people, they are selfish, have no emotions or bondage between their own relations, look for an opportunity to blame each other, offer help but when sought they
escape with a reason, they are business like, even wife and husband divide the expenditure from their income and also time between them to even look after their own children. Family life has become a businesslike. We have gone western in culture. People have lost Wisdom and Divinity of life, which they talk loudly. INDIA. We have no respect for elders, country, ethics, family, Culture; in total, all the good things which once INDIA boasted of.
One should have WISDOM to understand LIFE.
Contentious Points for Gossip.
Changes Boys side Girls side
Marriage date Disappointment Convenience
Photographer Two instructions by wife/husband and loss of over 30 years friendship No Comments.
First Night Single cot room shown & not suggested alternative Don’t know what to do
Choultry closure Insult/timings not told, Loss of f ace in front of relations Blame choultry management
Dinner Food packs offered Never said Dinner
Sathy Pooja Shocked by denial&remarks to Purohit Never talked about it
Conclusion Marriage went of f well. Excellent/ no thanks by boy’s side
This article is an example to focus my point on the after effects of marriages.
Also the sanctity of marriage itself is lost. In the recent past I have seen the loss of essence of mantras recited by Purohit, they utter for the sake of doing so, stop uttering when they get a mobile call. They do not to bring any sanctity to the Hymans or the marriage and have no respect for the procedures by the organizers, they do it to project their own Status/for Show/ego.
The future generation should avoid this type of marriage, and go for simple marriage at a temple/Aryasamaj or any other social organization and register the marriage followed by a simple party at a convenient place.
There is also a practice of distributing gifts etc. to the relatives and guests. Here creeps in discrimination/favoritism in distribution, leading to criticisms by recipients and the whole atmosphere gets vitiated. Avoid this system in Totality, as Gifts to newly wed are not allowed by some people, a good example.
This would avoid the squabbles for petty reasons at a later date.
Yesterday is gone, Tomorrow is not known, Today is here, You are there, use it prudently.